Key Verse: Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Many of you reading this today may have dealt with the pain of a heartbreaking relationship. Perhaps, like me, you found yourself bound to a man full of addictions; to alcohol, to drugs, to pornography. I was only fifteen years old when I fell for a man who was five years older than me. He was a lost and broken soul to whom I could relate. I knew he was not living a godly life and was drinking and using recreational drugs, but I chose to overlook all those things in exchange for a shot at love. I desperately wanted to love and be loved. I made my decision and settled for an ungodly relationship, one that took me down a path of alcohol and recreational drug use myself.
Two years into our relationship, just three months before my eighteenth birthday, I delivered my first beautiful baby boy. I vowed to be a good mom, to love and cherish, and give him a good life. After his birth I began to notice how bad my boyfriend’s addictions had spiraled out of control with my two month old baby and me now living with him. There were nights he would be so out of it he would attack me verbally, threatening me out of drug induced illusions. He would disappear and I would not know where to or if he would come back. The verbal abuse began to shatter my self-confidence and worth, which were already low. I walked on eggshells trying not to set him off for any reason. Marijuana became my happy place and drug of choice. It numbed the pain and was the only time I felt happy with life.
Things went from bad to worse when my boyfriend had decided to try his hand at selling meth. Detectives were starting to knock on our door and even though I felt torn down and worthless, I knew that none of this was good for my son. I wanted a better life for him, but I couldn’t seem to let go of what was familiar to me. I was afraid of the unknown. I thought about what life would be like for my son without his father and I decided to try and work it out.
To get a “clean slate” we decided to move out of state, but it wasn’t long before my boyfriend fell back into old habits; binge drinking, using and selling drugs. It was all there again, but this time I vowed to rid my life of the alcohol and drugs because I loved my son and wanted the best for him. It took me a total of eight years in the relationship to get up the courage to say, “Enough is enough. I am not going to tolerate the abuse. No more drugs in the house!” I wasn’t putting up with it anymore and I wanted out. I walked away with my son and never looked back. Within the year after leaving my boyfriend I met a wonderful man who, I am proud to say, I have been married to for the past fourteen years. Early in our marriage we started to go to church and I began deepening my relationship with God. We have been blessed with a son together who is now seven.
You see, God had better plans for my life and He has a better plan for your life too. Even though I was not walking in obedience with God in those very dark years, He surrounded me with His love and grace, tugging at me to just surrender and come home to Him. I want to encourage you, no matter where you have been; He wants to surround you with His love and grace. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Let Him make beauty from your ashes. More words to ponder and study are found in Isaiah 61:2-3 and Jeremiah 29:11.
Lord, You know the path we have walked and will walk. I pray that You will be the light unto my path and guide each step that I take. Make those steps according to Your plan for my life and help me to remember that You are never going to leave me alone, no matter how dark the day. In Your name, amen.