All of my life I dreamed about being a mother. Sure I had a plan to become an elementary school teacher and spend my days surrounded by kids, but in my heart of hearts, all I ever wanted to be was a mom. I credit my parents for providing such great examples, but I also just knew that I would be THE BEST MOM EVER! And if you were anything like me, you had every little detail planned out. I wanted to marry young and have kids early, just like my parents. Two boys and two girls was the perfect ratio. Everything was going to be just perfect.
Oh, but real life isn’t perfect, is it? I did not marry as young as I wanted and I did not have children as early as I wanted. And the ratio? What ratio? Dear God, this isn’t what I asked You for. This isn’t what I dreamed of when I was a little girl. What happened to my plan? That’s just it. It was MY plan, and believe me, I did enough to interfere with my own plan.
The Lord has blessed me with FOUR amazing boys. I love each and every one of them so much it makes me almost cry just to think about how I might put it into words. I thank God for them every day, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Honestly, I would not change a thing and I didn’t really question God’s plan until about a year ago. I was pregnant with our fourth son and my husband and I made the decision that this was it. We were finished having children. Unfortunately, neither one of us was getting any younger, and four very active boys lead to a very busy and full life. This decision was not easy because I so badly wanted a baby girl and I just couldn’t understand why God was not giving me a girl. I have always, and still do, feel like children are an act of trust on God’s part; as if He is believing in me to care for these beautiful and precious gifts and to teach them of His love. I can sum it up by something my oldest son said to me one time. We were talking one day and I told him about a car accident I was in several years before he was born. I totaled the car and should have been very badly injured or worse. God saved my life that day by allowing me to walk away from it with minor burns from the airbag. My son, Charlie, listened and then said that God saved me that day so that I could be his mom. Then he could learn about Jesus and go tell other people. Wow! If God could have a plan like that, why wasn’t a baby girl included? My heart went crazy wondering why God didn’t trust me with a baby girl. My brain knew better, but sometimes the two just don’t connect. The devil was hitting me hard and many tears were spilled. But God wasn’t done. He knew better. He always does.
Last July, we found out that we had a chance to gain custody of my husband’s daughter, whom I had never been able to meet. It almost seemed too good to be true! We had tried to get in contact with her many times before, but circumstances were not allowing it. I remembered praying for her while my husband and I were dating and remembering her often, hoping that one day she would be a part of our lives. God is so amazing! Less than 2 weeks later, she was living in our home. Permanently. God even worked everything out with no involvement of lawyers! Suddenly I was the mother of a beautiful, teenage daughter. It felt as if God was entrusting me with an even bigger gift than the baby I had begged Him for. He gave me a teenager! Not just any teenager, but one that would have to learn an almost new way of life. We are all still learning and not every day turns out to be peaches and cream, but God knew what He was doing. I couldn’t love my daughter any more even if I had given birth to her myself. She has brought such a new light into our lives and I love the way that she challenges me to be a better person. Now, I look to Him for guidance and wisdom as I embrace His plan.
I want to encourage anyone who feels as if I did. That maybe God wasn’t hearing you or that maybe you had done something so awful that He just couldn’t trust you. My teens and earlier twenties were filled with rebellion against God and my parents. Somehow I let myself believe that I had screwed up my own life so bad that there was no way God was going to let me screw up a daughter too, but here is the truth; 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I had confessed the sins of my earlier years so God was not holding them against me. He had forgiven them and cast them as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). There was no grudge or distrust on God’s part. Secondly, we all know Jeremiah 29:11. It’s one of my favorites. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Amazing! He has plans for you and me! Plans for prosperity and hope! But what happens when His plan doesn’t match up with our plan? “’Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 29:12-14a). He heard the cries of my heart every time and was there to offer peace in the midst of not understanding. He hears you, too. If you look for Him you will find Him. If you talk to Him, He will hear you. He’s promised that. Lastly, Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Keep hope, my friend. We may not understand His plan, but God is working things for the good for those who love Him. He can see our past, present, and future and He has a good and PERFECT plan for each and every one of us.
Becky has a passion for teaching children. She has five beautiful blessings of her own and has been active in children’s ministry for over ten years. It brings her great joy to watch children grow and learn. Becky has hope that she will be able to finish her degree in Early Childhood Education in her near future, but in the mean time she will revel in the talent that God has given her for baking. Not only does baking create memories for those she bakes for, but it brings happiness to her heart. Becky and her family moved to Wyoming about three years ago to help her parents establish a church and they call it home today. While Isaiah 54 has been her go to Scripture she has found strength and comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 which says, “For I know the plans I have for,” declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”