There comes a time when you just want to sit down and cry. We have all been there, right? Right! It’s okay to admit it. I mean it’s just you and me here. I am an open book of emotional crazy and no one is next to you to hear you admit that you are too. It’s really not a bad thing. In fact, God designed us to be as such.
I wrote that first paragraph at six o’clock in the morning and didn’t really have a chance to even think of finishing until well – it’s now going on ten. I would like to say that I walked away from the computer happily to serve my children breakfast (they were asking over and over and over again) and drink a cup of coffee with lactose free creamer (just one of the many things that my body now rejects – insert a complete frown here because I totally love cheese and dairy L), but I would be lying.
I traipsed into the kitchen with a scowl on my face and two children following me with their orders spilling from their mouth. So, when did I become a short order cook? Ha! My scowl grew. I let my emotions and frustrations get the better of me and yep; snapped just a little. Okay, maybe more than a little. I sent the kids out of my kitchen so I could think and take just ONE sip of my now lukewarm cup of coffee. They were less than thrilled and if I can remember back to this morning, my nine year old daughter stomped her feet all the way to the table and growled at me. Oh yes, growled (No Proverbs 16:32 existed in my home at that moment).
Did I get them breakfast and fed? Well, yes. That’s what mommies do, right? Kinda! So, the rest of the house was waking as I was putting the last of the reheated blueberry pancakes on the counter for the munchkins and well, there went my day. It was project after project, cleaning, laundry, going through the few bins we mailed to Alaska when we decided to move here, and trying not to get even more sick than I already woke up with (that last one did not work and I oiled up good so to not get worse – um totally stuffed up nose and can’t taste a thing).
Okay, I was mentioning something about us being emotional and I swear that my rambling ties in. I would be remiss if I told you that my day ended much better than it began. Truth is, I just wanted to sit and cry today. The attitude I received from my nearly fourteen year old alone was enough to give me at least fifty new grey hairs and a good cry on the bathroom floor. I sat on my deck at one point in the afternoon as my children were screaming at each other and closed my eyes and cried out (a quiet cry) “Lord, I just can’t take much more. What am I doing wrong? Please help me.” I hope you all didn’t think that I have this whole momma thing down and have like the most well behaved and lovable children. If you did, then you should probably stop reading now and find another blog to follow. This one has none of those mommies here.
He totally made us vulnerable and emotional so that we would need to depend on him for strength and wisdom and courage. There was nowhere in the Bible that said being a mother was glamorous or easy. This day would have been so much better if I could have picked up my Bible sword and gotten every word I needed to turn the day around. Just prayer. That’s all.
You guys, this mom thing is totally crazy hard. One good day makes up for a minimum of twenty bad ones. We don’t post all the bad days on facebook. Just the cute things our kids say and fun memories. We don’t want to remember the bad moments, the hard moments, the worried moments. If someone would have told me (and I actually believed them) that this momma thing was harder than anything else I would have ever done, I probably would have waved off the idea of having children.
Thank God I didn’t. I was blessed with four amazing, gifted, bright, and beautiful children. I pray for more and would love to adopt. I will take my emotional crazy and the one good day after twenty bad ones and soar. Sometimes it’s just hard, but then it’s amazing.
Check these out: 2 Timothy 1:7; Philippians 4:6-7; Colossians 3:15
Lord, I am just one hot mess. When I needed to be more of a mom, I let my frustration and anxiety and tiredness take control. I’m sorry for not praying the minute I felt my anger control me. I need your guiding hand in every second of my day. Be with me as I go and show me how I can be better at this mom calling. In Jesus’ name, amen.