I remember when I “came of age”, “Aunt Flo” came to visit, or first “rode the crimson wave”. I cried. I was twelve. It’s like I just knew this was the beginning of something horrible. And it was. “Aunt Flo” always caused me drama. Sometimes she over stayed her welcome, disrupted my school attendance, and sometimes she went MIA for months on end-but I didn’t miss her.
As a young girl, my monthly cycles were unpredictable and tumultuous. At nineteen, I finally paid a visit to a doctor and discussed all of my worsening issues in my cycles. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and given the birth control pill. The doctor told me that although not impossible, I would have difficulty getting pregnant someday. Since that seemed like a faraway dream, I thought nothing of it.
In 2002, I married God’s best and John and I started our life together. One summer, as we did our ministerial internship, I prayed, and truly felt God heal me of any infertility. I believed that he would give us babies. But I knew I wasn’t ready and pushed it to the back of my mind, until I turned 24. We had been married for two and a half years and my five year plan was suddenly a three year plan. My biological clock was ticking loudly in my ears as I watched many of my friends, family, college classmates, and colleagues in ministry have babies.
So, like everyone who wants to get pregnant: I threw away my birth control pills. Month after month nothing happened. I tested (several) dozen times and was disappointed month after month. I visited doctors and midwives, acupuncturists, and chiropractors in hopes that someone could help me! We tried countless rounds of fertility treatments, and they failed. We were told we would likely never conceive. So, after expending all of our resources and energy, I was done. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Clearly, I had not heard from God.
John and I became licensed foster/adoptive parents and became the proud parents of two miraculous baby boys in 2008 (a separate and much more elaborate blog is required to share this part of our story). We were content with our family. We felt blessed beyond measure, truly lucky to have been entrusted our boys, Benjamin and Deven. We knew we wanted to have more children, but thought it would be awhile and adoption can be so unpredictable.
Raising those boys has been such a joy: they are full of energy and health and all things boy! I’m truly blessed!
Over the years we have had our struggles, but in 2013, something unexpected happened. I had worked hard to lose weight and get in the best shape of my life, but I was feeling “off”. At the coaxing of a friend, I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. Something I never thought would happen. We kept it a secret for twelve weeks, when we felt we were out of the woods. On Father’s Day 2013, we proudly announced that we were going to have another baby. Two days later we found out that our baby was dead (again, another blog-another chapter). Our doctor discovered a condition that caused the loss and assured us that it was treatable. Although completely heartbreaking, we accepted that as a fluke and tried to continue on with our lives. Yet three months later, I was pregnant again. That baby’s due date would be the one year anniversary of the day we lost the previous pregnancy.
God’s promises are yes and Amen.
Today, I have my two seven year old boys Benjamin and Deven who are funny, smart, athletic and active. They are the incredible big brothers to Jabez: a seventeen month old jolly little soul; and to Lydia: a four month old angel face baby sister.
When I think of our story and how Jabez was born ten years after I felt that God would heal me of infertility and how I waivered so much in my faith and felt that I had not heard him. I have learned that sometimes, it takes time for Him to birth His promises. That there may be a different, better way.
His ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8).
Had John and I conceived when we initially planned to, we never would have adopted Ben and Deven. Who knows who they would be, where they would be.
God may have given you a promise last week, last year, or many years ago and you’re still waiting. Continue to wait. His promises may take time to develop and work out. But I can assure you, that when he is ready, God will allow you to give birth to his plans in your life, according to his will.