As evidenced in my past couple of articles, life for me lately has simply been HARD. Filled with the small trials of motherhood that I never imagined would add up to such a big feeling of overall hardship. Years ago I had been a part of a ministry in which God had used me to heal people, cast out demons, bring them to Jesus for salvation, and minister His hope and love to the lost and broken. Honestly, I had never really believed I would end up married or a mother – but I had been sure of one thing, that I would be in full-time ministry. Now, here I am, 12 years later, a stay-at-home mom of a preschooler and a baby, my days filled with tantrums and play doh and dirty diapers and spit up, and an ache in my soul for what used to be and what could have been my life right now if only I’d walked a different path. Not that I don’t want my husband or kids, because they are the most precious gifts in this life I’ve ever been given, but I have been mourning the loss of my freedom and independence, the joy I used to feel in a life of public ministry. Now it all seems like a distant memory. My heart has been yearning for that again, to know that God still sees fit to “use me” as He did before. Top that all off with a hefty dose of feeling inadequate to do the job God has called me to do right now – to be a godly wife and mom – and some days it feels like more than I can bear.
So when I saw this story played before me in the computer-animated Jesus, I could sense the Holy Spirit stirring in my heart. I was longing to know that God saw me and knew me where I was and still had a plan for me. I felt like I was prepared for ministry, but so ill-equipped for motherhood and failing miserably at it. As I watched, I saw myself as Peter walking on those waves…at first so confident and full of faith like I had been in the past. But then, like Peter, I started sinking, crying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately (of course!), He lifted me out of the waves to save me by speaking gently, “My child, why did you doubt? I haven’t changed. I’m still calling you to walk on the water with Me.”
Tears filled my eyes as I realized how true that was. Jesus is still the same…yesterday, today, forever! He is still the God of miracles (in me and through me), and He still wants me to walk ABOVE my circumstances with Him. I may be in another season of life, but I can still walk upon the waves. I may not be able to change the storm that comes with that season, but I can change my POSITION in the storm. I don’t have to sink and be overcome by the waves – I CAN walk upon them! I can walk upon those very things that are causing me fear and anxiety and stress. My part is to trust Him, to fix my eyes on Him in faith, to come when He bids me, “Come.” To know that where He leads me is where He wants me, and He can keep me safe and victorious wherever that may be. Even in this calling of mothering young children, His grace is sufficient! And I actually am in ministry…to my family. Being able to encourage my husband and partner with him to teach our boys about Jesus is the most important full-time ministry ever. So praise God for that kids’ movie! I’m so thankful that He can use anything to speak to us when we most need it.
What waves are threatening to overwhelm you today? Despite the storm raging around you, do you hear Jesus calling? Is He beckoning you to come and follow Him, even if that means stepping out in faith into an impossible situation? Just remember, dear woman of God, if He is calling you to it, He will lead you through it. If He invites you to walk out on the waves with Him, He will keep you from drowning. Keep your eyes on Jesus – He will allow you to do the impossible. And He will be right there to lift you up, even if you fall.