It was a subtle blindness. I didn’t know that I had glossed over eyes or a heart that wasn’t as it should be.
I have been learning about my heart lately. Not the anatomy, but the spiritual. I’ve been learning about where I place my goals and desires and I have been in a bit of shock at my realizations. I’ve had some areas of my life that are “in line” with God’s Word and other areas that have swayed to a different direction. It was slow and it was subtle. “Subtle Blindness”.
I thought I was doing good things for God – I was, but my heart was searching for the reward of doing the good. That’s not a sincere heat. That’s selfish. All this time these trials that I have been facing have been meant to grab my attention to refocus on what God called me to do and I walked into the fog of doing what I thought was good and godly. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t God’s plan. Something can be good and pure and holy, but not be part of God in you. Ellen does many good things and helps with many very good foundations, charities, etc., but that doesn’t mean her reward will be eternal.
What do I desire most? Wealth, land, recognition, popularity, love, etc? Or do I want God’s intimate relationship? I am not saying that God doesn’t allow wealth or happiness or other conveniences, but if those are my soul focus then I won’t have a heart filled with God. Without that kind of heart there is no purpose to this life I live.
I’ve been walking in a wilderness for what feels like forever. In reality its been three years, give or take a few months. Moses said to Pharaoh, “Let my people go, so they can worship me in the wilderness” (Exodus 7:16 see also Exodus 5:1; 8:1; 20; 9:1; 13; 10:3). Not just once did he make this request, but seven times. Seven happens to be my “lucky” number so my eyes widened when this information came across my screen. Not one time did Moses mention the destination of the Promised Land. Why? Because this wasn’t the destination Moses had in mind. It was the wilderness where the Isrealites could meet God and form the same relationship with Him that Moses possessed.
I thought I had at least a fraction of the relationship Moses had with God. Nope. I did good things, preached good words, and loved good tings, but my destination was on the blessings I would get from God for all the good I did. I was so so so wrong.
This God/human relationship isn’t about all the things and feelings He can give us. It’s knowing God as a Father and praising Him in the wilderness. See, no matter how long or how hard my wilderness may be, I still have a Father who loves and guides and is faithful. He wants to bless me, but my heart needs to be on the relationship and not the blessings. I need to praise him my wilderness.
Do you feel like you are in a wilderness of your own? I must encourage you to search where your heart destination is. Are you focused on good things and what you will get in return? Are you searching for something not of yourself, bot of God? Are you praising Him right where you are? I know it’s no easy; this life we call Christian. It was never promised to be easy. If it were everyone would choose it. Take heart I knowing that God is searching for an intimate relationship with you, His daughter, too. Start by praying with me and spend some time searching the truth of where your heart is at. Journaling your thoughts and prayers is a great help.
My Lord, I thank You for revelation of what’s good and what’s of You. I praise You in this place of wilderness and searching where my heart is so that I may have a intimate Father/daughter relationship with You. I ask that You reveal the truth of my desire, my goals. What do I honestly seek? Le that be You and if it hasn’t been all on You, please help me to turn my focus to knowing You deeper. Your Word says, “You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Myself” (Exodus 19:4). Lord, bring me to You. Amen.