So, yeah, this has been one heck of a year for me.
Many ups, I would even say highs, but so many lows as well. Like so low that you can only say Satan was behind it.
Great memories made and some really sad, hard and uncertain ones as well. So, where do I pick up at? How do I keep going when this has been so rough?
You all are no strangers to asking these very questions to yourselves. I just voiced them out loud. You have permission to do the same. Sometimes we need to say out loud what is in our hearts and heads before we can pick and move forward. God doesn’t shy away because you need to ask him why or how.
Recently we have found out that my father-in-law needs to have major surgery. The kind of surgery that makes you appreciate all you have ever had and want to have your family near. Our family will be travelling in a matter of a couple weeks to be with them all and help in any way we can. What’s even more crazy is that this horrifying news came the very day we had set plans for our move and transition to yet another state of living.
At the very beginning of the decision being made to move to the lower forty-eight, David and I prayed that God’s timing would shine through and we would see His hand working through it all. It doesn’t seem that it would be God’s timing to have David’s dad need such an abrasive surgery the very moments we were planning to leave AK to head to our new home state. I can’t see the logic in it or the perfectness of it all. I just have to trust that this is all placed right. I could not have planned to move and David’s dad to need surgery like this, in fact, I would never have paired the two together.
I was scrambling to grasp at whatever thread I could control – because I feel that I have lost the control of my ship now. Homeschooling, selling things packing things, running Titus II Woman and now health. Wow. That is a lot piled on to a very small plate. I cried out, “God, I can’t do this on my own. I am not sure I can do this at all. I am full of anxiety and I need you right now and right here. I can’t move.”
Sometimes this is the perfect timing that God has us in. He has brought me to a place where I have nothing left to do, but completely trust in Him for absolutely everything going on in my life. I can’t will my father-in-law back to health and I can’t get this house done in a matter of a couple weeks while homeschooling my children. Unsettling? Oh, yes. But, I honestly have a peace within me. It is motivating me to just pick up one piece at a time and move it one more space forward. That is further that the last step and towards what needs to be done.
Ladies, God doesn’t leave you when you feel like you are drowning. He is reaching his hand toward you and telling you to grab hold because he has got you and all the stuff you are going through. He won’t force you to take his hand. He says, “Hey, I want to help you, but it’s your choice. Take my hand and you will be cared for and all this stuff will be worked out. Your choice.” So, take His hand, pick up and move forward. You are in the perfect place to listen and become active.
Lord, this life is so hard. It says in your Word that You never give us more than we can handle. Well, at times it feels like you have way more faith in us than we have in ourselves. We don’t always feel that we can take the load we bear. That is where we need to trust in You to share that load and bring us to a perfect place with You. God, my God, I cry out to you for peace in the storm of life. Overwhelm me with Your presence right now. Amen.