I’m on the backside of another VBS season. I’m just past the sleep-24-hours-a-day-weep-when-I’m-awake point. I’m right in the middle of writing letters to all the kids and putting away all of the sets, decorations, and materials. For some reason, this has me pretty touchy, a little defensive about EVERYTHING.
Our VBS week was a success – some kids made a decision for Christ, some came forward to ask questions about their salvation and to repent of their sins, and the kids brought in over $900 for our mission focus. Plus, we had fun! I mean, what trumps the sweet sound of children praying together, of them singing “Amazing Grace” with all of their hearts, or the sound of an autistic boy’s laughter while he is playing with the “Jesus Saves” life preserver saying with us, “Jesus saved Miss Bridget, and Jesus will save Adam. Jesus saved Miss Lorinda, and Jesus will save Adam. Jesus saved Miss Carol, and Jesus will save Adam.” while he placed the ring over each person’s head? No, I’m at the point where it’s the good things that happened at VBS echoing in my heart and mind.
This is what I want everyone else to remember with me right now, but this is also the time for evaluation. I understand this. I want to grow and build a better program. There has to be evaluations and constructive changes…so I told myself as I read the evaluation.
I don’t like being human, y’all. I’m so tired of my flesh reactions. I can see it coming, I can feel it rising, but, like a pot of cream unwatched on high heat, my emotions become an uncontained, hot, sticky mess before I can do anything but start cleaning it up.
UGH! I want to be able to hide for two or three weeks after VBS week. I want to go somewhere alone where I won’t open my mouth except in prayer, and my pen would be used for journaling and writing letters to each child for follow-up and closure, not for unsent (thankfully) rebuttals to casual comments family and friends have made.
So, here’s the irony of it all. I want to rest, but I am being restless instead. I am commanded by God to rest on the Sabbath (Exodus 31:15). Well, Jesus is my Sabbath! He is the law (Matthew 5:17). And I have not been resting in Him as I should while coming down from a pretty intense VBS season. In fact, I can think of many instances during the season when I was in prayer over the children, the volunteers, all our families, and needs during the VBS season, but I wasn’t resting. I can even remember prayer over my attitude, but I did not rest. In all honesty, I was taking Him for granted. I knew I was serving Him where He had me to be, I knew He is always in control, and I knew He was already making everything work out, but I was still reacting rather than actively resting in His presence. Here I am still reacting. What was I so upset about in this evaluation? I was told to delegate and find more coordinators to break up the work and relieve the burden I have been carrying on my own.
Forgive me, LORD. In Exodus 31:13, You explained something I forget all too often about why we must rest, You told Moses to say to the Israelites: “You must observe my Sabbaths. This will be a sign between me and you for the generations to come, so you may know that I am the LORD, who makes you holy.” This is why You cried out, Jesus, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) But I have been too thick to listen. Perhaps I am why You also added Proverb 20:30: “Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.” I don’t believe I need to physically be beaten right now, but I do believe You allow me to feel beaten emotionally so I will be purged of the pride and sin of my heart and mind. Thank You for the wonderful people You have placed in my life to love me and remind me of who I truly am, and what I should be focusing on. To keep “The Main Thing, The Main Thing.” You are that Main Thing. Amen.