Sometimes I grow fat on my pride until my spirit refuses to carry the weight anymore.
Am I the only one? Am I the only one who creates impossible expectations for herself? Am I the only one who accepts burdens that are not her own? Am I the only one who has ever thought “things will get dropped if I don’t pick them up and carry them”?
My hands, my arms, can grow so full that I feel fortunate just to open my front door. I usually collect more baggage as I enter, so much more that I’m unable to close the door behind me again. Instead of setting all that I’m carrying down to close it, I sometimes just leave the door wide open. I leave myself wide open to Satan’s attacks and his cheap, tawdry, stinkin’ lies. With my arms this full, though, I end up emotionally eating every single lie.
This last month his Satan’s lies were about needing a ministry title and depression over a lack of people showing me support. Man! I was standing right next to James and John as they requested that Jesus show them special favor in Mark 10:35-39. Oh, but I didn’t see it this way. No, I wasn’t asking to sit on a throne beside Jesus. I could never ask Him outright for that. I wanted clarity of His delight in what I was doing for Him. I wanted authority to back up my decisions in ministry. I sounded off over all the disappointments, frustrations, and confusion I was feeling in ministry, and I sought sympathy and affirmation from others.
I ended up stuffed to the gills and unable to move. I was in a bloated and depleted state of prideful gluttony. It was disgusting!
I texted out an S.O.S. to a trusted sister I knew would pump my stomach if I needed it. The first thing she did was simple…she prayed for discernment. She called Jesus and held an intervention on my behalf. My hands were pried free of the bags I was carrying, the weight lifted, the strength of the Lord’s Spirit restored. My dear friend left me in His hands and told me to let Him help me clean house and shove it all back out the door.
Here is what Jesus placed on the mantle for me to remember after we cleaned: God has already given me a title. I am His.
I am HIS serving as superintendent of HIS Sunday School…
I am HIS serving as coordinator of HIS Wednesday Night Kids Club…
I am HIS serving as director of HIS Vacation Bible School…
I am HIS serving as a member on HIS Youth Council…
I am HIS writing as a member of HIS Titus II Woman Ministry team…
No matter what I do, I am HIS. He does not need me. I do need Him. I do not need any other title or recognition other than knowing that I am HIS.
No one should deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, he must become foolish so that he can become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, since it is written: He catches the wise in their craftiness; and, The Lord knows that the reasonings of the wise are meaningless. So no one should boast in human leaders, for everything is yours…and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God. I Corinthians 3:18-23
Abba, In all things I am Yours. Please help me to remember this lesson always. Thank You for being in control and loving unconditionally. I love You too. Amen.