I rolled over in my bed and confessed to my husband, “I feel like I am an emotional disaster.” And I wasn’t just saying this because I had this crazy awful day and wanted to cry, scream, stomp my feet, run away…. I have been having a hard time dealing with my intense emotions lately. I’ve struggled in the past and felt like I had a handle on them, but then this.
Struggling with feelings that aren’t what I want to be experiencing is a huge challenge. I hate to cry. I hate to feel like I can’t like someone. I hate to feel like I don’t want to be somewhere because I know I will have an intense sensation of feeling.
When I see a movie or television show that is moving, I often respond by crying (even then I try and hide it). When I hear a compelling and passionate story on the radio, I celebrate with a smile or I cry in joy. These are normal emotions that people have. They are good.
I struggle with emotion when my body and mind react in a way I don’t feel necessary or that line up with my thoughts. Here is a for instance for you: my employer recently hired someone new. This person is a good person. They are family oriented and genuinely care about people for our line of work. For whatever reason, I just don’t feel friendly toward them. I try to have a better attitude every day. I pray as I drive to work. I try to talk nicer. I really try. I just can’t get along with this person. They rub me the wrong way.
I realize this is not a good attitude to have. Last week I came home and I just let all this emotion out. Yep, cried all over. I don’t like to be this person. I want to like everyone. I want to find good in everyone and not faults. I want to be happy with the people I work with and around. I just have not been able to. Water spewed from my eyes all over my living room and that’s when I knew I did not have a handle an any of these feelings.
I keep anger and hurt in and it blows eventually and now I can’t control my frustration and people-liking emotions. What is wrong with me? Nothing. I am normal. You are normal. My reactions to these emotions needs to be what I am focusing on. Where are they ending up?
When I realized I was not dealing well with this, I reached out to my friend and told her how I was feeling. Her advice to me? “Remember that it’s not that person. It’s a tool that Satan is using to steal your joy and zap your energy. He’s tricky like that.” And then she prayed for me.
Friend, I have been struggling because this is an area that Satan knows he can attack and get a foothold in. I am weak with emotion. God has been providing and showing me things to come. I have been walking in God’s will. Something awesome is on the horizon and Satan wants to send me on a detour.
Guess what? There is light. God has the path already marked out for me and I will walk His path. Satan doesn’t know how strong of a woman he is messing with. I may struggle with my emotions today, but I have enough amazing friends who are willing to put me on their prayer list, stop what they are doing to pray for me, and check up on me to see how I am doing.
I went to work today dreading how I was going to feel. I stopped and prayed, “Lord, I know you have got my back. I don’t have to be worried about my day in the presence of one when I am in the presence of the One. My hope and emotion is in You today. Be with me, Lord.”
You know, I didn’t get emotional or have an ill thought toward my co-worker. I had a pleasant day and it was productive and good. God had me in His hands all along.
Are you struggling to see the light of dealing with your own emotions? Lady friend, you are not alone in this. I feel ya. I got ya. I am praying with ya. I am blessed to be among friends who have struggled and walked this same experience. Prayers and advice are always welcome here and if I can help you, here I am. Let me have it. I love you and God loves you, so much so that He will never let you feel alone or struggle in your feelings.
Blessings to you today,