Ezer Kenegdo

It was the summer of 2003. Pulling into the old wooden shed after work one evening, I had a
thought. Often I shove my thoughts aside, but in this case I knew it wasn’t me.

I felt His whisper upon my heart to look up. Look up? Well that is odd.

I parked my car into the small, dark space and stepped out to look up. Staring above me was
something I hadn’t seen before. There was a dirty wooden storage area set up similar to a loft.
For no reason, other than a holy nudge I knew I was supposed to reach up there. My heart began
to pound as I climbed onto the hood of my vehicle, carefully standing up to not lose my balance.
I couldn’t see above the ledge, but I could reach far enough inside to feel around for what might
be tucked away. Feeling a little embarrassed at what I was doing, I considered hopping down
before someone saw me. But then it happened. I felt it. The very thing I had dreaded. Gripping
its edges, I pulled it down and starred at what I had assumed marriage would solve.
On the front cover the dark haired woman stared back at me with seductive eyes, as if to say I
want you.

My heart pounded. He would be home soon and I had a choice. My reaction was everything.
How was I going to handle this moment? I knew of his painful past before we married. I also
knew of his deep love for me. Yet, I was young and naïve.

The truth was… I really didn’t know anything. I didn’t know the depths of this dark addiction
consuming so many men. I didn’t know how it began or would even end. I didn’t know what this
said about me as a wife. Was I failing?

I carried the magazine into the house, sitting down on the couch in silence. Lord, help me, I
prayed. I knew I could freak out, kick him out and had every right to be angry. I also knew of
the cross. If God’s love for me knowingly meant His Son would be murdered, then could I not
love in the same way?

I heard the front door slam and my heart jumped as a knot formed in my throat. I felt sick. I
looked up as he entered into the room, strong and tall. He was filthy from head to toe, exactly
like a construction worker should look. Yet I saw the attraction behind all the dirt. His light blue
eyes, perfect smile and broad shoulders grabbed my attention… just like the first day we met.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. Concern in his eyes, I knew he could tell. I looked down in silence,
starring at the magazine sitting on the glass table. His eyes followed my gaze and rested upon
the evidence of his sin. There it was, completely out in the open. Would the truth set him free?

His shoulders dropped in shame. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t have to. Heaving a big sigh, he
sat next to me and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry, honey,” he said quietly.
“I know.” I gently replied. “But you have a serious problem and we need to figure this out.”
That day marked the beginning of a long journey and it started with God’s grace. I felt hurt,
betrayed and unworthy. I also knew my husband deeply loved me and felt ashamed of his
struggle. I had a choice. I could deny the problem and sweep it under the rug, I could panic, flip
out and become controlling or I could remain calm and embrace the situation at hand.
I decided to embrace it.

So in that moment I made the choice to educate myself on pornography addiction. Books and
broadcasts flooded my life. I quickly learned that the struggle had nothing to do with me.
Instead it was a symptom of the true root lying elsewhere. Like an onion, layers needed to be
peeled. So we started to peel, together, marking that day as the beginning of a shared passion in
the fight against pornography.

That day the Spirit flooded me with the ability to wisely restrain my speech and conduct. If He
hadn’t, I would have turned into a wicked and furious mess! I am so thankful for His grace. As a
wife, I have always been deeply moved by the story of Eve and why she was created. God
created her to come alongside Adam, as his equal partner and helper. He created marriage to
reflect His spiritual marriage to us.

And today I learned even more. According to Biblical Archeology Review the original Hebrew
language used the words ezer kenegdo while describing Eve in Genesis 2. Unable to find
English words that fit an exact translation, the closest words chosen were “alongside” (ezer) and
“active intervention on behalf of the other person” (kenegdo). Think about that!

Is it possible that Eve was not only created to come alongside as Adam’s helper, but also to
wisely intervene when necessary? If so, this is a crazy thought because sin hadn’t yet entered the
world! Which would mean what we already know – God knew! He knew the day he created the
first perfect marriage that it would eventually be attacked. Therefore, He gave Adam and Eve all
the tools they needed to fight… in advance!

May we stand our ground, ladies. This is our territory and Satan does not belong here!
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

~ Proverbs 19:14

Dear Lord, Thank you for the stories of your grace and mercy in our lives. Give us
strength to see you through our stories, trust in you, and above all, come alongside the
spouse you have blessed us with. Help us to always actively intervene on behalf of them.
Please give us wisdom and strength to be the woman you created us to be. Amen.

Disclaimer: This article has been submitted based upon the approval of my husband. The nature of our story is
raw. We understand that exposing our struggles to the public comes with the risk of ridicule and shame. However,
we have been called to use our pain for a purpose in glorifying God. We do this through multiple avenues, one of
which is writing.

Danielle Dykstra

Born and raised in Nebraska, Danielle graduated from Northwestern College with a passion for ministry. It is there she met her husband of 14 years. Together they have three beautiful children and reside in Brandon, SD. She is a stay-at-home mom, a tumble coach and a coffee lover. Her favorite thing to do is spend time with her family outdoors, biking and camping. After living through their own battles, Danielle and her husband share a passion to help others in the areas of marriage and addiction simply by sharing their story of God’s saving grace.

4 Comments on “Ezer Kenegdo

  1. God bless you for being transparent. We as women of God need to share all of ourselves to be the prayer warriors we need to be for each other. Victory in Jesus!

    Like

  2. Powerful words from your heart. Bless you and the people that God will reach through your sharing of this painful story. You are brave and beautiful young friend. God Bless you and your husband.

    Like

  3. Thank you for sharing…it’s so hard to be vulnerable yet that’s right where people need us to be. So they too can be vulnerable.

    Like

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