It’s okay to wrestle with doubt. In fact, God welcomes it. Why? Because it gives Him an opportunity to help you grow in your faith. Even those of us who are considered seasoned Christians wrestle with our Christianity and have questions and doubt.
Recently I have been wrestling in my faith. I know that God is good and he is good at being God, but I also question the provision for our family or what I am supposed to do next in ministry and writing. Many of you know that I just had a book released. It took such a long time to get to this point, that it was like a sigh of relief when it was finally done and the books were delivered to my door. Now, I question what I am supposed to do with all these books.
Honestly, I thought there would be more speaking engagements booked where I can sell the books I have or maybe more would sell. But, that isn’t what happened. I know that God had us write this book for a reason. He has a plan, but I can’t see that plan right now. I don’t know what He has in store for the book or ministry. What I do know is that His plan a good plan and I need to trust him. I need to have faith that God has already got this. I don’t have to know.
This is where I wrestle because I am a planner. I like to know my steps before I take them. The last few years have been nothing but uncertain steps. God says go and do and I obey because I trust Him. Most of the time I am so uncertain of actually saying yes and then doing. Anxiety consumes me when I don’t see the final product or ending to a season.
Philippians 4:6 is very well known, saying, “Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” When I start to feel anxious about my situations and begin doubting, I remember this verse and I begin to pray. I often with pray from Psalm 139:23, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
We forget that God already knows how we are feeling. He has not forgotten us in our season of doubt. He understands us. God knows that I am wrestling with this season of not knowing what to do next. I pray every day that God will speak to me and show me exactly what I am to do next. Some days I feel God is closer than other days, but the fact remains; God is always there. He has a plan and it is better than I know. Most of the time, God is just wanting me to rest and be patient; to let him lead in his time. Not always easy, huh?!
Can I just encourage you to take a moment in your wrestling to let God be God and settle your spirit? He knows your anxious thoughts and he really does have a plan. There will be an end to this for you and for me. Ask God to search your doubt and reveal himself to you.
Lord, this very wresting is what makes our faith stronger in You. Because we know that You are a good God and You have a plan for what we are going through, we know that we can trust You in this process. Speak to us and reveal Yourself to us. Thank You, Lord, Amen.