Changing My View
My husband I just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. It was a perfect Christmas wedding. We had the snow I wanted and our family and friends along with our dreams of having a family and growing old together. It was fabulous. Two and half years passed and we started our family, and by our 7th anniversary we had 3 children and a dog. We were on our way of growing old together.
I was blessed and stayed home, as it didn’t really pay for me to work. I loved being home with my babies and taking care of our house. Scott worked hard to take care of us. As time came and the kids started school we realized we wanted to give our kids a solid biblical foundation and wanted them to attend school at the local Christian school. In order to pay for this, I went back to work teaching as I would get a tuition discount.
We had some trials in our lives as Scott lost his job and had to take a job driving truck over the road. He was gone a lot. He continued to work hard so we could continue to live our “dream”.
In 1998 Scott was diagnosed with a hereditary form of peripheral neuropathy. Peripheral neuropathy, is damage to the peripheral nerves. It affects mostly hands and feet. Symptoms consist of numbness and burning sensations. Scott continued to work and was able to control his pain with medication. A couple of years after this diagnosis he was diagnosed with type II diabetes.
Peripheral neuropathy is a side effect of diabetes. We found out a couple of years ago that the diabetes has exacerbated the Neuropathy and Scott now has no feeling in his feet and his hands are not far behind.
Because he doesn’t feel his feet and has little feeling in his hands it is not safe for him to work. He once stepped on a nail and didn’t know for over four hours. He burns himself regularly as he can’t tell if a dinner plate is hot. He has been labeled “disabled”. I am our main breadwinner now and he stays home. I think the hardest thing for me is when he touches my face and I can see the pain in his eyes because he can’t feel my face.
Our dreams of growing old together have now changed. I used to dream that we would take walks on a beach, hold our first grandchild together, travel when we retire and many other dreams. Scott finds it difficult to ride in the car for long periods of time, flying is out of the question as he needs to stand and move his legs often. I find myself doing many tasks that he is unable to himself, simple tasks that I have taken for granted.
I have changed my view on what growing old with Scott will look like. I had my vision but I have never known what my future holds. We are not promised tomorrow. I am going to take one day at a time and enjoy the day the Lord has made.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I am not sure why my husband has this disease, or what our future holds. I do know that God is in control and as long as we continue to follow Him, we will continue to be blessed.