No one said it was going to be easy.
I am not quite sure why I thought it would be so different for me. I mean, this parenting thing can’t really be all that hard.
Why did I think I would be different than anyone else?
So, yeah, this summer has been a whirlwind. Emotions flying everywhere, unexpected loss, unexpected adventure, expected delay and new doors being open. One of the biggest emotions I have encountered this summer was allowing my oldest daughter to have an extended summer visit to her grandparents house. I have never had my children away from me for more than a week or so a time and even though she was with her grandparents, this was still a very hard decision to make.
You see, this decision needed to be made because our relationship was on rocky ground. Neither of us had our a good pair of walking shoes on and it was really hurting to simply walk a few steps. Our words were harsh and our feelings were being hurt back and forth on a daily basis. I was at a loss of what to say or do to reach her heart as a mother and she was confused as to how growing up could give her more freedom, but still needing to be open to learning.
Sixteen through eighteen is a hard age. It’s during this time that we, as young women, are ready to start doing more on our own and making decisions. We want to go and do and soar, but we still, very much so, need guidance because all those decisions have consequences and not all of them are bad, but we have to be prepared to live with them. Learning from someone isn’t always on the mind of a adolescent lady because they want to carve their own way and, as mommas, we want them to learn from experience of others as well. We want to help them and shield them because “we have been there before”.
My heart has been broken and mended and broken again this summer as I have had to walk this new adventure on the outside of the daily living with her. I want to be there to experience life with her, but I am also at ease with her trying to find a path of her own. I want to know that she is making wise choices, but I know that she will have to learn from the choices that she makes.
Summer will be coming to a close soon and our children will all be returning to school. Just a few more weeks left. She will be returning home to her family and my prayer is that she will better understand what it means to be a woman today and how, even though she is seventeen, she still needs guidance from her mother, who has been in her shoes. My prayer is that I will have mended words and hearts so that I can be the mother she deserves and the mother who can walk by her side as a disciple-maker and not just a mom.
Have or are you going through a similar season? Maybe you have some words of wisdom to share or questions you need answers to. I can’t promise that I would know, but I have a pretty good idea of someone who might have all the answers.
I have held on to this summer is John 15:16 and it says this,
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”
I did not choose to be my daughter’s mother. God gave that precious child to me so that I could care for her and nurture her and guide her while I was here on this earth. I know that soon my daughter will be at the age where is able to be on her own and figure out this life on her own, but I just pray that I have done a good enough job to have given her the necessary tools so that she can succeed at making wise choices and accepting the help she needs from others. I want to given her enough water so that she can go and bear fruit of her own.
Lord, this parenting thing is hard and more often than we think, it just sucks. We have these little humans that we are supposed to keep alive and then help them to mature and grow into bigger humans who are nice and learn wisdom. They are suppose to learn that from me and I am still not that good at those things. I just need Your wisdom and guidance so that I can be the mother they need me to be and help them with survive this world. Amen.