I’ll try and keep this a little short because my sixteen year old daughter wants me to go get my nails done with her and her friends. You totally read that right. What teenager wants their mom to tag along with her and her friends? Maybe she is just trying to console my mommy heart and the fact that she only has one more year of high school and then so much will change…for us all.
The blog is going to look different. There will be writings from our friends. You’ve met a lot of them through here and you are going to get to meet new ones along the way, but for the most part you will be hearing from my heart. A lot has happened in the last year. If you were out of the loop, I had taken a year to rest, rejuvenate, and recapture parts of me that I thought I would never see again. I wasn’t sure that I should be leading women when I was so vry broken inside.
I am not saying that I fixed or healed now, but I have learned a lot of what not to do in the last year. I have learned about how God should and is now my go to in hurt and pain. I learned that I need my tribe around me during all times and seasons of my life. I am still learning new things and lessons every single day, hour, minute, moment.
My biggest lesson so far from my year sabbatical: God has got a plan even in what seems impossible.
Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ” This was a verse that I clung to and said to myself nearly every day during 2019. I needed the reminder because I was having a hard time trusting that God was still for me.
See, I had poured all of me into mothering my four kids. I gave them every part that I could and I worked hard to make sure they had what they needed and I gave them love. So much that it hurt every day.
Then we found out so many lies from our oldest child. And then more and more and more lies. What we read and heard was not the child that I raised. It wasn’t how we raised her. The words that came from her mouth were not words we spoke in our home and most definitely not to our children, ever.
During Christmas of 2018 she decided to leave our home and because we were in a state where 17 was legal age of an adult at that time, we were powerless when she left. We didn’t know where she was or how she was for two weeks and we didn’t hear a thing from her on Christmas. We tried so hard to carry on through the Holiday seasons for our three children still at home, but it was dark. Dark for all of us. Our three at home didn’t understand why she was acting the way she was or where it came from. David and I couldn’t explain it because we didn’t understand it ourselves.
After new year she came our house and wanted to live with us, but we just could not let life continue as it was. We had rules that would need to be adhered to and expectations that were not optional. One of the rules we set before her was a deal breaker for her and so she set out to find other means of living away from us – her family, the ones who had always been there for her, loved her, cherished her.
So many words were said that weren’t true, but I fought the internal battle and prayed that God would bring out truth in his timing. And He did eventually, but she left home to live away from us and then I felt that I was no longer good enough to be a mother to these precious children that God had blessed me with. And so began all the things that I tried to fix on my own accord.
I couldn’t fix it and it took me quite a few months to really refocus my attention on letting God take control and find a way to reach my broken place.
Soon, I will begin to write on new things happening and how I found a way to heal and learn to listen to God in a new way. Soon, I will give you parts of my heart story and tell you more of my journey. I will be here for you when you need a friend. So will the others in our tribe of women.
Today, though, take this with you…God never leaves you alone. You always have Him fighting for you when you don’t feel it. You may not understand why you are going through this season, but God has a plan and it will end well. It will be good. God doesn’t make bad. God only makes good. He will allow bad in order to get you closer to him and that is always good.
Take heart and carry on and I will help lift you when you don’t feel like you can keep going.
Blessed are you,